Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found it to be a memory hog which left very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of these particular phenomena were included in the product brochure or the documentation, although other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He is finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all. Attempts to do so result in overall system crashes even though they always worked fine before.

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installations of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInlaw 55.8 and BrotherInlaw Beta releases. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 Include:
- A "Don't remind me again!" button.
- Minimize button.
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be un installed at anytime, without the loss of cache and other system resources.
- An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently both versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application throughout the system.

Another thing that sucks... ALL versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

Submitted by: Jerry

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...

"LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER-FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

And, they lived happily ever after.

Isn't that a sweet story?

Submitted by: OLY