Virus Jokes

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:	-	Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS:	-	Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS:	-	Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS:	-	This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:	-	Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS:	-	Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS:	-	Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:	-	It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS:	-	Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:	-	Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:	-	Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2:	-	Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer. ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:	-	Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:	-	Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS:	-	Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
TEXAS VIRUS:	-	Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:	-	Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:	-	The computer locks up, screen splits eratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS:	-	You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
PBS VIRUS:	-	Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS:	-	Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS:	-	Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
SEARS VIRUS:	-	Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:	-	Your programs can never be found again.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2:	-	Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS:	-	Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:	-	Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS:	-	Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS:	-	Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:	-	It starts by boldly stating. "Read my docs.... No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS:	-	Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS:	-	It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS:	-	Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS:	-	Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars it's programmer will take it back.
MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS:	-	It can never be found because it is constantly altering its appearance. Submitted by: Timothy Vermey (tvermey@nlc.net.au)
O. J. SIMPSON VIRUS:	-	Deletes two files and then says it positively 100% didn't do it but vows to find the one that did. Submitted by: Eli "corny jokes" Draluk (geocities75121@rocketmail.com)
PLO VIRUS:	-	Begins destroying files and says it will not live peacefully in your computer until you hand over memory. When you do...it claims that you owe it more and more until it claims the entire computer as it's own. Submitted by: Brent Kaufman (bhkauf@monsanto.com)
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS VIRUS:	-	Your computer runs at 286. As soon as you get a new operating system, it keeps on getting better. When it's finally the best, the OS quits and the computer starts over. Submitted by: Chickenshit
REAGAN VIRUS:	-	Your system can't remember what it is and suddenly goes into sleep mode. Submitted by: Jeff McCamley (mccam@polbox.com)
LEWINSKY VIRUS:	-	Sucks all the data out of the hard drive, but saves 1MB Just in case. Submitted by: Jeff McCamley (mccam@polbox.com)
Clinton VIRUS:	-	Corrupts the system, smokes the monitor, then plays with the floppy until the hard drive kicks in. Submitted by: Jeff McCamley (mccam@polbox.com)
VIAGRA VIRUS:	-	Attacks old 286 computers and makes them run like Pentium Pro 6000's. Smokes processor after 2 minutes. Submitted by: Jeff McCamley (mccam@polbox.com)
JAKE The Body VENTURA VIRUS:	-	Convinces the computer it's the Governor of Minnesota. Submitted by: Jeff McCamley (mccam@polbox.com)
MIKE TYSON VIRUS:	-	Corrupts new files, takes a Byte out of memory, then convinces the CPU that *It'll never happen again.* Submitted by: Jeff McCamley (mccam@polbox.com)

THE BOB DOLE VIRUS . . . (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

THE RONALD REAGAN VIRUS . . . (Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored)

THE JACK KERVORKIAN VIRUS . . .(Deletes all old files)

THE ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS . . . (Disks can no longer be inserted)

THE PROZAC VIRUS . . . (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS . . . (Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS . . . (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)

AND THE FAVORITE . . .THE LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS . . . (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows)

Submitted by: Jester Jean