1. Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth.

2. You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear.

3. Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather.

4. Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease.

5. Nuttin' beats mutton!

6. Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel.

7. Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early.

8. Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down.

9. Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them.

10. No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe.

11. Sheep are never concerned about their reputation.

12. Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up.

13. Sheep won't ask if you're gay, when you can't get it up for the second time.

14. Sheep never insist on eating out.

15. You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Mel Gibson.

16. Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late.

17. Sheep don't smell like tuna fish.

18. Sheep don't get moody once a month.

19. You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth.

20. A sheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay.

21. A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed.

22. A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon.

23. A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car.

24. A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains.

25. A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay

26. A sheep will never complain about the spittoon in your pickup.

27. A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy.

28. A sheep won't care of you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator.

29. A sheep won't get even with you by spending your paycheck on new clothes, none of which are see-through or meant to be worn in the bedroom.

30. A sheep will never sue you for palimony.

31. A sheep won't care if you screw her sister.

32. A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is.

33. A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing.

34. A sheep won't use your razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can.

35. Sheep never have a headache.

36. A sheep won't give your favorite hunting shirt to Goodwill.

37. A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom.

38. A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons.

39. Sheep grow their own fur coats.

40. A sheep will never leave a vibrator on the living room couch when you're having friends over to watch football.

41. Sheep won't cheat on you with your best friend.

42. A sheep will never ask if you'll still respect her in the morning.

43. Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex.

44. A sheep never yells at you for leaving the lid up.

45. A sheep won't send you out for batteries for her vibrator.

46. A sheep doesn't think it's demeaning or kinky to do it doggy style.

47. A sheep won't mind if you put up mirrors in the bedroom.

48. Sheep are "ram tough".

49. A sheep won't think your cheap and tacky if you: send daisies instead of long-stemmed red roses, tip less than 20%, wear levis with a hole in the seat, or open beer bottles with your teeth.

50. Sheep don't mind if you leave the lights on.

51. Sheep don't mind doing it in the morning.

52. Sheep don't mind doing it in a pickup truck.

53. A sheep will never use the excuse that: she just did her nails, it's too hot, it's too cold, you'll wake up the kids, you'll wake the neighbors, she's too drunk to enjoy it, or she's not drunk enough to enjoy it.

54. A sheep will never leave you for a cucumber.

Submitted by: Jimmie Steves

Subject: Joke!
Date: Fri, 29 May 1998 14:48:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Anonymous

I just want to say that whoever it was that did that bit about sheep or women, it was awful. Never in my whole life have I ever heard anything so rotten! How do you live with your selves. You should be ashamed. Though you may think it's funny girls are much better than guys any day!!!

[Plus sheep have a sense of humor!!! - Ed.]

1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.

2. A frigid beer is good.

3. A beer doesn't care when you come home.

4. When a beer goes flat you can toss it.

5. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

6. A beer never gets a headache.

7. If you pour a beer right, you always get a good head.

8. You can share a beer with a friend.

9. You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.

10. A beer is always wet.

11. You can have a beer in public.

12. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

13. A beer doesn't get pregnant.

14. A beer doesn't have parents.

15. You can say whatever you want to a beer.

16. A beer doesn't care if you are late.

17. And you can always have several different beers and not feel guilty.

    Submitted by: RG

    MORE WHY BEER IS BETTER...
    

18. Beer stains wash out.

19. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

20. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.

21. Beer is never late.

22. Hangovers go away.

23. Beer labels come off without a fight.

24. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.

25. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.

26. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.

27. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.

28. A beer always goes down easy.

29. Beer doesn't demand equality.

30. A beer doesn't care when you come.

31. Beer always comes in multiples of six.

32. Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.

    Submitted by: Alex (dahlox@yahoo.com)

---

Why Fishin' Is Better Than Making Love

1. When you go fishin' and you catch somethin,' that's good. If you're making love and you catch somethin,' that's bad.

2. Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither. And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

3. In fishin' you lie about the one that got away. In lovin' you lie about the one you caught.

4. You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

5. You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

6. You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

7. Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishin.'

   Submitted by: Bill Cordeiro

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