Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Management to be eligible for Special Help After Retirement (SHAFT). The situation of persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the Scheme for Retired Workers (SCREW). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice, but SCREWED as many times as the Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get Additional Income for Dependents or Spouses (AIDS) or Half Earnings for Retired Personnel and Early Severance (HERPES). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons staying will receive as much Special High Intensity Training (SHIT) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives all employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your Team Leader. He/she has been extensively trained to give you all the SHIT that you can handle.

Management Human Resources Department

Submitted by: Nanda Lal (pacclal@tm.net.my)

After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.

They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green, to look like grass.

They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.

They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hat on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go riding around a big grassy place with little hills and little sandy places in little cars. Sometimes they stop and try to hit little flags with little white balls.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night - Early Birds.

Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.

My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the dollhouse. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren

Submitted by: OLY

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