Stages of Life

Stages of Life

MALE

AGE	DRINK
17	Beer
25	Beer
35	Vodka
48	Double Vodka
66	Maalox

AGE SEDUCTION LINE

17 My parents are away for the weekend.

25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.

48 My wife is away for the weekend.

66 My second wife is dead.

AGE	SEDUCTION LINE
17	My parents are away for the weekend.
25	My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35	My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48	My wife is away for the weekend.
66	My second wife is dead.

AGE FAVORITE SPORT

17 Sex

25 Sex

35 Sex

48 Sex

66 Napping

AGE	FAVORITE SPORT
17	Sex
25	Sex
35	Sex
48	Sex
66	Napping

AGE DRUG

17 Pot

25 Coke

35 Really Good Coke

48 Power

66 Coke, a Limousine, the Company Jet

AGE	DRUG
17	Pot
25	Coke
35	Really Good Coke
48	Power
66	Coke, a Limousine, the Company Jet

AGE A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 Tongue

25 Breakfast

35 She didn't set back my therapy.

48 I didn't have to meet her kids.

66 Got home alive.

AGE	A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17	Tongue
25	Breakfast
35	She didn't set back my therapy.
48	I didn't have to meet her kids.
66	Got home alive.

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY

17 Getting to Third

25 Airplane Sex

35 Menage a trois

48 Taking the Company Public

66 Swiss Maid/Nazi Love Slave

AGE	FAVORITE FANTASY
17	Getting to Third
25	Airplane Sex
35	Menage a trois
48	Taking the Company Public
66	Swiss Maid/Nazi Love Slave

AGE HOUSE PET

17 Roaches

25 Stoned-out College Roommate

35 Black Lab

48 Children from his first Marriage

66 Barbi

AGE	HOUSE PET
17	Roaches
25	Stoned-out College Roommate
35	Black Lab
48	Children from his first Marriage
66	Barbi

AGE THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 25

25 35

35 48

48 66

66 17

AGE	THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17	25
25	35
35	48
48	66
66	17

AGE IDEAL DATE

17 Triple Stephen King feature at Drive-in.

25 Split the check and go back to my place.

35 Just come over.

48 Just come over and cook.

66 Sex in the Jet on the way to Vegas.

AGE	IDEAL DATE
17	Triple Stephen King feature at Drive-in.
25	Split the check and go back to my place.
35	Just come over.
48	Just come over and cook.
66	Sex in the Jet on the way to Vegas.

Female

AGE	DRINK
17	Wine Coolers
25	Wine Coolers
35	Red Wine
48	Dom Perignon
66	Shot of Jack with Ensure

AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 Need to wash my hair.

25 Need to wash and condition my hair.

35 Need to color my hair.

48 Need to have Francois color my hair.

66 Need to have Francois color my wig.

AGE	EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17	Need to wash my hair.
25	Need to wash and condition my hair.
35	Need to color my hair.
48	Need to have Francois color my hair.
66	Need to have Francois color my wig.

AGE FAVORITE SPORT

17 Shopping.

25 Shopping.

35 Shopping.

48 Shopping.

66 Shopping.

AGE	FAVORITE SPORT
17	Shopping.
25	Shopping.
35	Shopping.
48	Shopping.
66	Shopping.

AGE DRUG

17 Shopping.

25 Shopping.

35 Shopping.

48 Shopping.

66 Shopping.

AGE	DRUG
17	Shopping.
25	Shopping.
35	Shopping.
48	Shopping.
66	Shopping.

AGE A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 Burger King

25 Free Meal

35 A Diamond

48 A Bigger Diamond

66 Home Alone

AGE	A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17	Burger King
25	Free Meal
35	A Diamond
48	A Bigger Diamond
66	Home Alone

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY

17 Tall, Dark and Handsome

25 Tall, Dark and Handsome with Money

35 Tall, Dark and Handsome, Money and Brains

48 A Man with Hair

66 A Man

AGE	FAVORITE FANTASY
17	Tall, Dark and Handsome
25	Tall, Dark and Handsome with Money
35	Tall, Dark and Handsome, Money and Brains
48	A Man with Hair
66	A Man

AGE HOUSE PET

17 Muffy the Cat

25 Unemployed Boyfriend and Muffy

35 Irish Setter and Muffy

48 His Children and Muffy

66 Retired Husband stuffs Muffy

AGE	HOUSE PET
17	Muffy the Cat
25	Unemployed Boyfriend and Muffy
35	Irish Setter and Muffy
48	His Children and Muffy
66	Retired Husband stuffs Muffy

AGE THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 17

25 25

35 35

48 48

66 66

AGE	THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17	17
25	25
35	35
48	48
66	66

AGE IDEAL DATE

17 He Offers to Pay.

25 He Pays.

35 He cooks Breakfast the next morning.

48 He cooks Breakfast for the Kids.

66 He can chew Breakfast.

AGE	IDEAL DATE
17	He Offers to Pay.
25	He Pays.
35	He cooks Breakfast the next morning.
48	He cooks Breakfast for the Kids.
66	He can chew Breakfast.

Submitted by: James Anthony Savage

What Women Want in Men

Original List (age 22):

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

Revised List (age 32):

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

Revised List (age 42):

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

Revised List (age 52):

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

Revised List (age 62):

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

Revised List (age 72):

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Submitted by: Jester Jean