THE FOLLOWING IS A PARTIAL LIST OF ACTUAL WRITTEN EXCUSES GIVEN TO TEACHERS IN THE ALBUQUERQUE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM BY PARENTS OF STUDENTS:

1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

3. Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father's fault.

4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.

5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.

6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.

7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.

8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.

9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.

10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.

11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.

12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.

14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.

15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.

17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.

19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits.

    Submitted by: Anon

20. Please excuse Bobby from school. He has diarea and his boots leak.

    Submitted by: Colin (bluesc@cwnv.collingwood.org)

By J. Timothy Petersik (from the Chronicle of Higher Education)

You'll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field.	I used it as a grad student.
If you follow these few simple rules, you'll do fine in the course.	If you don't need any sleep, you'll do fine in the course.
The gist of what the author is saying is what's most important.	I don't understand the details either.
Various authorities agree that...	My hunch is that...
The answer to your question is beyond the scope of this class.	I don't know.
You'll have to see me during my office hours for a thorough answer to your question.	I don't know.
In answer to your question, you must recognize that there are several different points of view.	I really don't know.
Today we are going to discuss a most important topic.	Today we are going to discuss my dissertation.
Unfortunately, we haven't the time to consider all of the people who made contributions to this field.	I disagree with what roughly half of the people in this field have said.
We can continue this discussion outside of class.	1. I'm tired of this...let's quit. 2. You're winning the argument...let's quit.
Today we'll let a member of the class lead the discussion. It will be a good educational experience.	I stayed out too late last night and didn't have time to prepare a lecture.
Any questions?	I'm ready to let you go.
The implications of this study are clear.	I don't know what it means either, but there will be a question about it on the test.
The test will be 50 questions multiple choice.	The test will be 60 questions multiple guess, plus three short-answer questions (1000 words or more) and no one will score above 55%.
The test scores were generally good.	Some of you managed a C+.
The test scores were a little below my expectations.	Where was the party last night?
Some of you could have done better.	Everyone flunked.
Before we begin the lecture for today, are there any questions about previous material?	Has anyone opened the book yet?
According to my sources...	According to the guy who taught this class last year...
It's been very rewarding to teach this class.	I hope they find someone else to teach it next year.

Submitted by: James Anthony Savage

1. Megan could not come to school today, because she has been bothered by very close veins.

2. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

3. Irving was absent yesterday, because he missed his bust.

4. I kept Billie home, because she had to go Christmas shopping, because I don't know what size she wear.

5. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

6. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

7. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

8. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Submitted by: PutDwnJoka@aol.com

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